Two Cats or A Husband?

(This is a post for humor. It is not a scientific comparison.) I live with two cats. I used to have a husband until he passed away in 2009. While remaining open minded to a new relationship, I wonder how living with cats compare to living with a husband.

Cat Lover Magnet
Cat Lover Magnet

I have two cats in my life: Norie, a black personality-loaded pantherette and Sister, sweet-natured, grey tabby with white legs. A husband could be a mixture of these two personalities, like I am. So one point each.                                                                                              Husband: 1, Cats: 1.

My two cats are in some ways like having a husband! They give me affection, share their time with me, make me laugh, make me feel like I am the most important person in their lives. Oh, wait, I am the most important person in their lives, I feed them, give them medicine, love them and clean their littler boxes!  I did all of these for my past husband, (except the litter box!)  They also provide some of the same companionship factors as a husband.                              Husband: 2,  Cats:  2.

Instead of a husband’s warm body to snuggle up to and hug or be hugged by at night, I have Norie, who curls up behind my bent knees if I am on my side. Sister sleeps on a pillow by my head.  A husband gets a point here, since he has more to offer.                                                    Husband: 3, Cats: 2.

Norie snores, but so do I. A man my age is likely to snore too. Since a husband’s snoring would be much louder than even two cats’ snoring, Cats get a point.

Husband: 3, Cats: 3.Cat snooze alarm?Instead of a husband waking me up to fix breakfast, I have two cats who team up against me. Sister waits in the kitchen while Norie wakes me up. She paws my arm three times. If it is too early I just cover my head and tell her, “It’s too early,” in a very groggy voice and she leaves me alone for a while.

I wonder how many husbands would do that. Well most guys nowadays can fix their own breakfast and even bring me breakfast sometimes too.                                                    Husband: 4, Cats: 3.

When I finally do get up, I go into the bathroom while Norie inspects the bathroom perimeter for any bugs, then waits patiently at the bathroom door. She then escorts me from the bathroom to the kitchen, just in case I forget where to go or that I am supposed to be preparing their food. A husband would never do these things for me.                                           Husband: 4, Cats: 4.

When I get close to the kitchen, Sister starts calling “Meow, Meow!” With insistent urgency that sounds more like, “Now! Now!” Well, a husband wouldn’t do that either, at least not for long.  Husband: 5, Cats: 4.                                                                                                                                    

If I have a snack during the day, Norie will make little kitten sounds and snake around my ankles and circle them like a shark to tell me she wants something to eat too. Husbands may want snacks too but they can get them for themselves.                                                    Husband: 6, Cats: 4.

Which brings me to another problem wives often have with their husbands. Norie will eat anything!! Crickets, spiders, silverfish, little bugs, literally anything. So they are good for some degree of pest control. Well, husbands don’t normally eat these kinds of things, they generally are more thorough about killing or dispensing bugs.                                                       Husband: 7, Cats: 4.

Black cat on her back in the sunshine.
Norie has a big tummy!

Sister used to cough up hairballs about once a week. Let me tell you there’s nothing like hearing that retching sound at 2 AM to make you spring out of bed to go clean up the mess! Well, another point in favor of a husband, they don’t get hairballs!                                  Husband: 8, Cats: 4.

As far as affection is concerned,with the two cats, that matter is balanced. Sister will sleep on my lap as long as I let her; she is very affectionate.

Hug a Cat
Hug a Cat

Norie wants affection when she asks for it. Some husbands are just not affectionate at all and some have to be asked or approached carefully when they are not distracted. At least I have a balance with these two cats. Husbands can be either way depending on what’s stresses or moods they are in.                                                                                                              Husband: 6, Cats: 5.

Gray tabby on left of legs and black cat on right.
The cats keep me company and don’t care what I watch on TV!

As far as cats are concerned, there is no problem about what I want to watch on television. or what I want to do in our home. With a husband there may be some shows one or both of us might have to miss, but we can always record the un-watched show to watch later. But some nights I don’t even turn the TV on and enjoy the quiet. What if my husband doesn’t want to enjoy quiet evenings or wants to jack the television volume up too high?                                    Husband: 6, Cats: 6.

My husband wasn’t super-hairy but I have heard tales from other wives about bathtub or shower drains clogging from husbands not cleaning the drain from shed hair. Well, I have one cat with with a thick rich black, coat that never ceases to shed, even after brushing it.

At least husband’s can clean up their own shower hairs, and probably would not shed nearly as much hair as two cats.                                                                                                        Husband: 7, Cats: 6.

Norie playing "I'm not touching you."
Norie playing “I’m not touching you.”

My cats rarely argue with me or disagree with me except about when feeding time occurs, but I always win with this one, unless I give in and feed them 15 minutes earlier. They have their own little spats, which don’t affect me.

Living with anyone requires some give and take, disagreements, frustration, and arguments. Since I am the one with the cat’s food, I am in charge and they know it. A husband would be a totally different situation.                                                                                                  Husband: 7, Cats: 7 .

Black cat sleeping in sunshine.
Norie asleep in the sunshine.

You know how some husbands take a nap every day, after a long day at work? Cats sleep about 12-16 hours a day! But they sleep while I am gone and wake up easily, then sleep while I do at night.                                                                                                                                  Husband: 7, Cats: 8 .

Some husbands are very social and some are hermits. Norie is friendly, Sister is reclusive. I do believe the kind of husband I would chose would be a cross between these two cats, sort of like me. So no points for either.

Cats are just plain cute, entertaining, trusting, affectionate and loving. I know this because they allow me to give them medicines twice a day with little to no resistance. Husbands can be all of the above too, so no points.                                                                                              Husband: 7, Cats: 7.

So now the question comes, how much more complicated would my life be if I were to marry someone??

Points do not matter!!  The cats would have to approve of him and he would have to be a cat lover. Problem solved!

Humorous Plaque
Whose life is it anyway?

28 thoughts on “Two Cats or A Husband?

  1. Hello! Lovely to meet you.

    I went round to my friend’s house, and was delighted when her cat jumped on my lap- until it urinated! My friend said, “She did that to my last girlfriend too”.


    1. Oh dear!! That was a most unpleasant behavior of the cat! Is it a cat that is very possessive of its owner? You might prevent that from happening next time by spritzing some lemon or orange juice on your skin or clothes. Cats usually hate citrus smells. Let me know if it helps. Good luck.


    1. Thank you! They are reflections of some of my personality traits. One is playful and mischievous; the other nice, quiet, polite and just wants to be loved. They give me so much joy. Thank you for commenting. How many do you have?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ve convinced me – I may trade in husband!
    My daughter and her partner have three cats and they are every bit as funny and smart. I can understand why one would become a cat-lady.

    Liked by 2 people

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