joyful2beeblogs

Today I am 68 years young! I love my life. I have a loving family, dear friends, and amazing neighbors and one funny, lovable cat. I have what I need and know that l am loved by God and these people. (And couldn’t be more thankful!)

My life got a new start 10 years ago. I didn’t just turn over a new page of my life I started a whole new book! One thing I learned is a new appreciation for my life and the help I have had from God, my Guardian Angels, my family and friends. My self image changed from being a victim who didn’t trust herself to being a confident, independent, giving and wise woman.

I have on occasions done or said things that I shouldn’t have but learned better from my mistakes. I’ve done a few things unwisely but as my Irish neighbor told me, “Nobody died.”

I am intelligent, playful, loving, creative, funny, caring, helping and so much more. I have had a life full of experiences to help me gain not just knowledge but wisdom. I understand myself and life in general better than ever before.

I rediscovered the God given gifts that I had placed on hold and put away. I am intuitive, somewhat empathic (not the same as empathetic but I am that too), wiser, inventive at solving problems and at fixing things. Also I am filled with love for my world and its people.

Being a nurse for 37 years taught me a lot about life, people and myself. I learned that I could adapt to problems and different situations. I used my God given gifts of being intuitive and empathic to understand the right way to connect with my patients. There were a few times I just “had a feeling” that I should check on someone and found them in trouble.

I personally learned about the fears that families experience when their loved ones are in the hospital for surgery and when they are dying. By being a patient myself I understood the role that fear, denial and ignorance can play in coping with pain and recovery after an operation or from an illness.

I also understand what it feels like to hurt so much you have to gasp and move slowly to walk. Many times over the years I have experienced sciatica relieved by Physical Therapy and anti-inflammatory medicine.

Healing with no pain so easily so many times led to a false sense of confidence about my back. I had to recently face the truth that I have degenerative disc disease that has caused me to lose an inch in height and pain more severe than I had giving birth to a 9 pound 2 ounce baby by natural child birth. (Of course I was 36 years younger but still, pain is pain.)

Because of the support I have had from my family, friends, God and Guardian Angels, I have come through some rough times while my husband suffered from mini-strokes and uncontrolled diabetes and increased angry behavior at times. Being a nurse I could not leave him even though it meant challenging every part of my mind and heart to cope with the emotional and on rare occasions physical abuse of me and that our son had to witness or experience.

I have lived with guilt a good part of my life. First as a child trying to be a “good girl” and failing sometimes. Then as a human for turning over all of my courage, intuition, intelligence to my husband, making my self comfortable that he was so so much smarter than I was so let him make the decisions.

I should have stayed confident and not let fear of failing and insecurity participate in the belittling of my intelligence, courage, and my self esteem. I have put that guilt aside along with the guilt of not understanding my first son sometimes.

I see now that all of the past helped to shape me into the woman I am now. I am strong, intelligent, wise, loving, mischievous (but never in a mean way) and playful. I continue to broaden my soul and brain by learning whatever I feel called to study.

My father always said he was a “Jack of all trades and a master of none.” I think I take after my dad on that. I used to embroider, crochet and knit. More recently I have taken an interest in such things as Reiki Healing, yoga, painting with acrylics and water colors, Feng shui, Biblical Archaeology, cats, belly dancing, writing a blog, Asian decor and Native American cultures.

I took online classes in writing, photography, animal communication and animal Reiki. I have always loved trees and been curious about insects and animals. Whatever I see that I am curious about or have a question about I look it up on Google or YouTube. I love to learn.

I have had a well rounded life for which I am very thankful. I still have a lot of living to do. I want to continue to dabble in different experiences such as learn better how to calm and relieve pain with God’s energy and anything new that I am curious about.

I am thankful for my friends and the fun we have talking, eating, going to the zoo or park, seeing a movie or going to the beach. Each one has helped me in different ways and I have helped them likewise. Friends like these are golden! I love them like sisters.

I am also thankful for the many neighbors I have had and especially the ones I live with in my condominium building. Each one has blessed me in some way with their love, help, prayers, prayer blanket, and just by listening to me sometimes. I love them too. We help each other like a family.

I look forward to seeing my grandsons grow even more into good, loving, wise men. And enjoy seeing my sons and their wives mature into older age and see them weather the storms of life together, side by side. Each spouse respecting, loving, trusting and supporting the other.

I want to feel and treasure every loved one’s hugs; feel my son’s and daughter’s (and someday my grandsons’) strong hands steady me when I get older; hear everything they want to share with me; see them look at me the way I look at them all: with absolute love and the knowledge that I will always be there for them and they will always be there for me.

There are things I wish I could have changed so no one would have been hurt, including me. But I believe that everything will work out in the end, whenever and whatever that may be. I have to have faith.

I am looking forward to what this next year of my life holds for me. I believe it is going to be a wonderful year, even better than the last one!