This was written by josaia.com. Her words were so poignant and real to me that I wanted to share it for others who are aging. She gave me permission to share it. https://josaia.com/2024/02/09/my-new-tribe-of-elders/

My New Tribe of Elders

 josaiawrites  Uncategorized  February 9, 2024 4 Minutes

I have joined a new tribe, much sooner than I thought.

I think a lot about tribes these days, groups that we feel we belong to, our chosen families. I have no family around me that I have any connection with, so, my chosen family feels extra important to me. 

Much sooner than I could have imagined, I now find myself in the tribe of elders. 

What? When did that happen? Where was I? How did I not notice how quickly life was going by?

They have a special room when you first enter, the room where you begin to work through some of your shock and denial about having joined this tribe. 

There are mirrors to help you adjust, to help you see yourself and to help you get used to the idea. Some people seem to get stuck in front of the mirrors. They adjust things to try and change how they look, to try and camouflage the look of elderhood. That might work, for a little while. But eventually the truth becomes clearer in front of those mirrors. And reflected in the eyes of those around you.

And when you are ready (and sometimes before you are ready), you enter the main room where other members recognize you and welcome you, speak to you, reach out to you. Those that are more introverted may look toward you, waiting for you to make the first move when you are ready. 

You look around. Everyone looks old. Wait, does that mean that I am old too?

Wait, wait, I say. I am not ready. I am not ready to give up on dreams of youth, sensuality and sexuality, the future to look forward to, the energy and enthusiasm and courage of youth. I am not ready. I haven’t done everything that I wanted to do!

And your tribe sits patiently around you. Quietly, for the most part. (Except for those who deal with things loudly and brazenly. They seem to be part of every group. We each deal with life in our own ways. Aging helps you see and accept that more.)

Yes, your sensuality and sexuality have changed, you are told. But, do not despair. They are still there. Just because some others around you may not see those parts of you, we see them. We know that they are still very much alive in you, even if they may be expressed differently. We see you. We see your sensuality in the way you touch the leaves of the trees in the parks where you take long walks, in the way that you pet and caress animals, in the hugs that you give with everything that you have. 

Yes, your energy is different. You may be slower, more measured in your movements and decisions and even thoughts. But you bring more to those, more history, more information, more wisdom. You bring more richness and depth. If others take the time to listen and hear you, there can be many gifts that you can give. 

Yes, the future looks very different these days. The road ahead is much shorter than the road behind you. Do not despair. What you lose in looking forward, you gain in appreciating where you are now, in the present moment. You did not have the time to really see the present when you were so focused on the future. Running, racing, doing, accomplishing, being efficient. Now you have time. Now you see the deep importance of being in the moment. This moment in time. 

But, I respond, I now have a clearer sense of the end of life. The concept of death has become much more real. I am afraid.

Yes, comes the answer. It is natural to be afraid. We are, too. It’s normal to be afraid of things that we do not know or understand. 

But we are also here to tell you that each moment can be so much more filled with all that life has to offer. Each moment can touch your soul more deeply, more authentically. Each moment can become an eternity unto itself. Time takes on a different feeling, a different perspective, a different measure. 

Your body may falter, but your spirit can grow stronger. Richer. More vibrant than ever. You can still inhabit this body of yours, encourage it to do what it still can. Breathe into it and into each moment. 

Your mind may not work as quickly. Your memory may be a bit slower as well. But you may also have the memories that make you realize what has been important all along. Not the job, the lists, the accomplishments, but rather those whom you have loved and who have loved you. Those that you had a connection with. Those that helped you feel a part of something bigger than you. Love doesn’t age, but only grows deeper and more inclusive, if you let it. 

You may feel sad more frequently. It’s ok to feel sad. Do you notice how deep and poignant the moments of joy and wonder and awe can be these days? As if the sadness helps highlight those times. Sadness can help you cultivate more gratitude, can be the special ingredient in appreciating those sacred moments. There is no need to be afraid of it. 

Your body may grow frailer as you continue this path. Aches, pains, creaks, and groans. And your spirit grows stronger. Your wisdom and capacity for love can grow deeper, if you allow that to happen. It means feeling it all, however. To fully feel and live each moment, even the painful ones. 

You will at one point no longer be here. But your love lingers. In those you leave behind, in art or with written words that you may have created. In the spirit of who you have been that is like no other. 

Come, sit with us, walk with us, take our hands. We are here together. We will continue this journey together. 

You have value. You are loved. 

Welcome to this sacred tribe. 

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