joyful2beeblogs

As an older woman in my mid-seventies, I offer the following seven strategies to help add quality to your single (or married) senior living. These suggestions are for Seniors, who are active and independent.

Becoming a Senior Citizen often involves difficult adjustments in our lives. Long marriages may end with divorce or the death of a lifetime partner. Long relationships bring strong attachments to the spouse; your identity as their spouse, and many fond memories and sentimental items often in a large home. Grieving with any major loss takes and needs time to heal.  But there comes a time when it is time to start a new life.

1. Get Going. It is not uncommon after a loss, (or even as we get older) that leaving our homes for trips becomes more difficult. Thinking about our life and memories may seem like a safer mental “outing” than physically venturing out into the uncertainty of the big world. That anxiety may cause an attack of the “What-ifs,” as Shel Silverstein described them in his poem of that name. What-ifs such as: “What if I get sick? What if I don’t like the food at that restaurant? What if I run out of money on the trip? What if the bed is too hard? What if it rains the whole time I am there? What if I forget something?”

How do you overcome “What-ifs?” Just stop thinking about what might happen and start thinking about the good things that can happen by making plans and alternate plans “in case.”

“Nike” shoe company said it first, ” Just DO it!” Remember: nothing in life, even at home, is perfect all of the time. Being able to use creativity, flexibility, and a sense of humor, (aside from being true survival traits) can help you adapt when plans go askew.

Getting out for a few hours every day, can increase your confidence to the point when later, you may be able to handle longer trips away from home. Someday you may venture out for a full day trip. On day trips, try to go with a good friend or family member, it is more fun and safer that way too.

2. Get a Smaller Home. If you are alone in a big house, I highly suggest moving to a condominium or apartment.  After three years alone in my three bedroom house, with a high up-keep yard, I realized that I was spending money that I could be spending on other purchases. So I sold the house and moved into a condominium.

3. Get Used to Your Own Company. Learn to enjoy your own company. No one knows you like you do. Go out by yourself sometimes for lunch. Even if you’re an introvert, you may enjoy interacting in brief encounters with wait staff or someone new. Bring your cellphone and ear buds to listen to a book or music while you eat out. Giving and receiving smiles may offer a boost to your morale too. You never know whom you might run into at a restaurant, movie, or even a trip to a museum.

When you go out alone, if you do not enjoy being around people, then bring a book or electronic book; look at social media on your  cell phone, sit outside, if it is pleasant, and observe nature. And remember to smile! This is your life!

4. Get to Know Your Friends (Old and New). You know those trips that I spoke of?? Who better to go places with than old friends? I have several friends who are ten years younger than me. When one is not available for lunch or an outing, another friend usually is. People tell me that I look ten years younger than I am. I wonder why?? Sometimes, we may lose contact with old friends, after some move or pass away.

Make new friends. Be careful in making new friends. Get to know them well before engaging in activities with them. Find groups with similar interests. Volunteer at the library, museum, nearest school, or thrift store, which donates to your favorite causes; join the local senior center or community college and take classes in something you love. Help someone else and your life will get better. But go slow, you don’t want to become overwhelmed.

5. Get a Pet or Two. I cannot fully convey how wonderful having a pet can be. After my husband’s death, I was alone in a three- bedroom house for a year before I got my first cat. Although I thought I was a dog person, I found that cats were best suited to my go-go life.

They are independent and easy to care for. When I was given one cat and later adopted another, I was truly amazed at how much company and entertainment they gave me.

Pets will give you love, attention, play and do funny or cute antics. But be wary of small pets getting under your feet. You have to train them not to walk too close in front of you.

A simple pet, that may be trained to let you touch and stroke, may even do antics to make you laugh. Even pet mice or ferrets can be nice pets but they do need to have their cages cleaned out periodically.

6. Simplify Your Life. Over the years we tend to collect items which once were treasures when we bought them. Later, they may become less important but we keep them, thinking maybe the “kids” will want them some day. Do not assume that they will want something of yours. Ask them if they want it and don’t be upset if they don’t want something that you treasured.

I worked at a thrift store for a few years and was surprised at how many items are donated because the children (of the deceased) did not want old lamps, silverware, crystal, china, and more. Ask them what they want from your surplus of items.

If you don’t need or want something they want, give it to them now! You can watch them enjoy something that has been stored for years or months and never been used.

7. Make Your Home Yours. After living in a house where things were spread out, I narrowed things down. I bought new things that were: more useful; in colors that promoted a peaceful atmosphere; and furniture which expressed comfort. I made my home MINE! It felt so good to have my own home, where new memories that are mine could begin.